Live First, Dungeon Master Better

whitewater rafting in close up

In a podcast interview that I listened to years ago, Ed Greenwood (creator of forgotten Realms) dropped a deceptively simple truth about being a great Dungeon Master that has stayed with me ever since. To paraphrase: you have to experience life.

Not read more rulebooks. Not collect more minis. Not memorise another setting sourcebook.

Experience life.

He talked about travelling the world. Riding horses bareback. Firing a bow and arrow. Feeling wind, fear, exhaustion and exhilaration. The things that leave marks on your body and stories in your bones. Those experiences, Greenwood suggested, are what let you portray strange worlds and extraordinary moments at the tabletop with authenticity.

The longer I’ve run D&D, the more I’ve realised how right he is.

Ed Greenwood, creator of Forgotten Realms

Reality Is the Best Sourcebook

Fantasy worlds feel real when they’re grounded in the senses. The crunch of gravel under boots. The way cold creeps into your joints. The smell of stagnant water that makes you hesitate before stepping forward. These aren’t things you invent from nothing. They’re memories, lightly disguised.

I’ve climbed mountains and know what it’s like to tiredly trudge through snow. I’ve hiked through terrain so beautiful it makes you slow down just to stare. I’ve rafted and canoed down rough rivers where the line between control and chaos is a single bad decision. I’ve camped next to mosquito riddled swamps and explored ancient castles. I’ve ridden a profoundly uncomfortable horse and learned exactly how long “a short ride” can feel.

Every one of those moments has shown up at my table. Not as a literal retelling, but as texture.

When players trudge through a flooded jungle, I know how heavy wet clothes feel after hours. When they’re exhausted after a forced march, I know how decision-making degrades when you’re tired, sore, and hungry. When they hesitate at a raging river crossing, I remember how loud fast water really is, and how small it makes you feel.

Culture, Conflict, and Perspective

Travel does more than provide scenery. It shifts perspective.

Exploring different countries and cultures teaches you that there is never just one way to do things. Customs that seem strange at first make perfect sense once you understand the values behind them. That lesson is gold for worldbuilding. Suddenly your fantasy cultures stop being “humans but with hats” and start feeling internally consistent, even when they’re alien.

Joining the army reserves taught me something else entirely: how groups function under pressure. How authority feels from the inside. How boredom, fear, camaraderie, and dark humour coexist. That experience reshaped how I run military orders, mercenary companies, and disciplined enemies. It also changed how I portray leadership, loyalty, and the cost of following orders.

Again, not as autobiography. But as understanding the essence of situations.

Experience Creates Empathy

The more life you live, the easier it becomes to inhabit other perspectives. You’ve been cold, scared, lost, uncomfortable, elated, overwhelmed. That emotional library lets you respond to player choices in ways that feel human, even when the NPC isn’t.

A terrified goblin negotiates differently if you remember fear.
A weary guard sounds different if you’ve pulled a long watch.
A triumphant victory rings truer if you know what hard-earned success feels like.

Players sense that difference. They might not articulate it, but they feel it. The world reacts in ways that make sense because it’s been filtered through lived experience rather than pure imagination.

The Invitation

This isn’t a call to quit your job and backpack across the world, though if you can, fantastic. It’s a reminder that inspiration isn’t confined to your desk, your bookshelf, or your VTT assets folder.

Get out there and experience life.

Try things that are mildly uncomfortable. Learn a skill you’re bad at. Travel somewhere unfamiliar, even if it’s just a few hours away. Spend a night outside. Talk to people whose lives look nothing like yours. Pay attention to how it feels to be tired, excited, nervous, and out of your depth.

Then bring that back to the table.

Your worlds will feel stranger, richer, and more believable not because you imagined harder, but because you lived more. And in the end, that might be the most powerful DM tool of all.

What Secrets D&D Can Teach Us About Servant Leadership

Leaders Eat Last by Simon Sinek book cover

Simon Sinek’s Leaders Eat Last is one of those rare leadership books that sticks with you long after you’ve finished reading it. Its central message is simple but powerful: great leaders put their people first. They create environments of trust and safety, where individuals feel valued and supported. In doing so, they unlock a team’s potential to achieve incredible things — not through fear or pressure, but through loyalty, belonging, and shared purpose.

As I was reading it, I couldn’t help but think how relevant those same ideas are to running a game of Dungeons & Dragons. Because at its heart, being a good Dungeon Master (DM) isn’t about control or clever storytelling. It’s about creating a space where players feel safe, engaged, and inspired — the exact same principles that Sinek says define great leadership.

The Circle of Safety

One of the most memorable ideas from Leaders Eat Last is the “Circle of Safety.” Sinek explains that in strong organisations, leaders create an environment where their people feel protected from external threats — a workplace where they can focus on doing their best work rather than looking over their shoulder.

For a DM, that’s the game table. The “Circle of Safety” in D&D is the world you build and the tone you set. It’s the trust your players have that you’re not out to “win” the game, but to tell a story with them.

When players know they can take risks, roleplay boldly, or make bad decisions in character without being punished for it, they flourish. They start to create moments that surprise you, and the game world becomes richer as a result. Just like a great leader, a great DM doesn’t eliminate risk — they make it safe to fail.

Putting Players First

Sinek’s title comes from an old military tradition: leaders eat last, ensuring their people are fed before they are. It’s a symbolic act of service — a reminder that leadership is about responsibility, not privilege.

The same mindset can make a DM truly exceptional. Running a D&D session takes effort — prepping adventures, tracking NPCs, remembering rules — but the role’s real heart is service. You’re there to give your players an amazing experience.

That might mean letting go of your clever plot twist when the players come up with a better idea. It might mean adjusting encounters on the fly to keep the story balanced. It might even mean stepping back entirely and letting the group spend an hour talking in character because they’re genuinely enjoying themselves.

A great DM, like a great leader, measures success not by how perfectly their plan goes, but by how much their people grow and enjoy themselves.

Building Trust and Belonging

Sinek argues that humans are hardwired for cooperation, but that cooperation only happens when people feel safe and valued. Leaders build trust through empathy, consistency, and integrity.

In D&D, trust is everything. Players need to know the DM is fair, that their characters’ actions matter, and that the story responds honestly to their choices. A DM who favours certain players, ignores others, or uses their power to “win” the game quickly erodes that trust.

But when you build a table where everyone’s voice matters — where every player feels part of something — the magic happens. People open up. They collaborate. They invest emotionally in the story and in each other. That’s not just a good game; that’s good leadership in action.

The Power of Purpose

At the core of Leaders Eat Last is the idea that great teams share a sense of purpose. When people understand why they do what they do, they’ll work harder, care more, and stick together even when things get tough.

That’s true for adventuring parties too. The best D&D campaigns aren’t just a string of random quests — they’re driven by shared purpose. Whether it’s protecting a village, saving a friend, or uncovering a forgotten truth, a unifying goal binds the group together.

A wise DM helps the party find that purpose. You don’t hand it to them — you help them discover it, nurture it, and make it matter. When you do, you create something more powerful than a game. You create a shared story of belonging and achievement.

Leading from Behind the Screen

Ultimately, Leaders Eat Last reminds us that leadership is about service, trust, and shared purpose. The best leaders — and the best DMs — don’t crave the spotlight. They shine it on others.

When you run a D&D session, you’re leading from behind the screen. You’re giving people a space to take risks, to collaborate, to be creative, and to feel a sense of belonging. You’re eating last — making sure everyone else at the table is fed first, in the form of fun, connection, and storytelling.

And if you do it right, the impact lasts long after the session ends. Players carry that experience — that feeling of being supported, seen, and part of something bigger — into their everyday lives. Just like the best leadership, it ripples outward.

Revealing the True Secret of Dungeons & Dragons – Shared Fun

A Venn diagram highlighting shared fun in the middle

If you’ve spent any time in the world of roleplaying games, you’ll know it’s a hobby full of rulebooks, lore, mechanics, dice, and drama. It’s easy to get pulled into debates about optimal builds, perfect session prep, or whether a DM should fudge dice rolls (the answer to the last one is no!). But beneath all the complexity and creativity, the point (or why) of the game often gets forgotten. Which is of course shared fun.

Not individual fun.
Not “DM fun at the expense of the players” fun.
Or “I’m having a good time even if everyone else is confused” fun.
Shared fun. The kind that’s created together, moment by moment, at the table.

Let’s dig a little deeper into why I think this simple goal matters so much.

Fun Is a Team Sport

D&D isn’t like other games. There’s no winning, no leaderboard, no end credits. It’s a cooperative storytelling experience where the enjoyment of every person at the table is interconnected.

A player may love optimisation, another may love roleplaying emotional scenes, and another might just be here to crack jokes and roll big crits. The magic of D&D is finding the overlap between these styles—where each person not only has fun but adds to the fun of others.

Shared fun is the glue that holds the adventure together.

Fun Grows in Collaboration

Every iconic D&D moment—every story told years later in pubs, Discord chats, or workplace kitchens—comes from collaboration.

  • That time the party defeated a dragon by skydiving off a magic carpet
  • The moment the party released a demon from the hanging tree
  • When our druid tried to steal the cloak from the terrifying vampire, on her own…

These moments don’t come from one person performing or pushing for their idea. They come from everyone leaning in, saying “yes, and…,” and contributing something unexpected.

Shared fun means creating space for others to shine.

Shared Fun Helps Solve Problems at the Table

A lot of common D&D issues melt away when the group keeps shared fun as its guiding principle.

Rules arguments?

Shift the focus from “What’s correct?” to “What keeps the game enjoyable for everyone right now?”

Spotlight imbalance?

Ask yourself: “Is everyone having a chance to contribute to the fun?”

Playstyle clashes?

Frame the conversation around finding the overlap of what makes each person enjoy the session.

When fun together becomes the priority, decisions get much easier.

The DM Isn’t the Entertainer (And Also Isn’t the Enemy)

One of the biggest misconceptions about D&D is that the Dungeon Master must juggle everything and personally provide entertainment. That’s a fast track to burnout.

Likewise, the DM isn’t there to “win” or “beat” the players.

The DM’s real role?
Facilitate shared fun.
Not own it. Not control it.
Just create the space where the group can enjoy themselves collectively.

Players bring just as much to the fun—through decisions, jokes, collaboration, and embracing the unexpected. Everyone is co-creating the experience and everyone needs to take responsibility for it.

Fun Comes from Meaningful Engagement, Not Constant Laughter

It’s worth clarifying that shared fun doesn’t always mean non-stop humour. Some of the best D&D sessions are deep, tense, moving, or downright heartbreaking.

Fun can look like:

  • Emotional investment in a character arc
  • Being gripped by a mystery
  • Feeling the adrenaline of a dangerous combat
  • Overcoming insurmountable odds
  • Celebrating when a clever plan works
  • Sensing the group’s collective “we’re all in this together”

Shared fun is whatever keeps the table emotionally engaged in the same moment.

Boromir is not wrong!

So, How Do You Aim for Shared Fun?

Here are a few guiding principles:

1. Talk about expectations openly.

What does “fun” look like for each person? What kind of game do you want to play?

2. Celebrate each other’s moments.

Cheer the crits, laugh at the failures, admire bold choices.

3. Build the story together.

The best adventures are collaborative, not prescriptive.

4. Stay flexible.

Plans break. Dice betray. Characters derail plots. Lean into it—it’s often where the best stories emerge.

5. Keep kindness at the table.

Fun dies quickly in environments with judgment, rules-lawyering, or spotlight hogging.

On the flip-side, if you are not having fun, perhaps the groups style isn’t what you enjoy, you can always politely leave the game. But I think that might be a topic for a different article.

D&D Works Best When Everyone Leaves the Table Smiling

At the end of the night—whether you slayed a dragon, failed every roll, or spent two hours trying to open a door—you want everyone to step away thinking:

“That was fun. I can’t wait to play again.”

That’s the true aim of Dungeons & Dragons and what makes it truly unique.
Not levelling up, not mastering rules, not crafting perfect narratives.

Shared fun.
The kind only a group of imaginative people can create together.