Tag: Leadership

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When People Disagree — Lessons from Leadership and the DM’s Chair

an orc and a wizard shouting at each other in disagreement

No matter how experienced you are, there’s one truth every leader (and every Dungeon Master) has to face: people won’t always agree with you. It might be a team member who challenges a decision you’ve made, or a player who doesn’t like the way a campaign is going. Disagreement is inevitable — but it isn’t necessarily a bad thing. In fact, learning how to handle it well is one of the most important skills a leader or DM can develop.

Of course, the goal isn’t to avoid disagreement. It’s to create an environment at work or at the gaming table, where people can disagree safely and constructively, without damaging trust or momentum.

Let’s look at how that plays out in both leadership and Dungeons & Dragons.

Leadership: Turning Disagreement into Growth

When someone disagrees with you as a leader, your instinct might be to defend your decision or to convince them you’re right. After all, you’ve probably spent time thinking through your reasoning and believe it’s the best course.

But disagreement isn’t opposition — it’s information. It’s a sign that someone cares enough to speak up, and that’s worth paying attention to.

Good leaders understand that healthy conflict strengthens teams. It surfaces blind spots, tests assumptions, and builds buy-in when handled respectfully. The key is to stay curious instead of defensive.

Some things to consider when someone disagrees:

  • Pause and listen. Don’t rush to explain. Let them talk, and make sure they feel heard.
  • Seek to understand the “why.” Is it about the decision itself, the process, or how it impacts them personally?
  • Acknowledge what’s valid. You don’t have to agree entirely to recognise a good point.
  • Decide and explain. If you still believe your decision is right, explain your reasoning transparently. People can handle “no” much better than silence or inconsistency.

Handled this way, disagreement becomes part of a healthy culture of trust — where people feel safe to challenge ideas without fear of reprisal. That’s the kind of culture where real innovation happens.

At the D&D Table: Disagreement Behind the Screen

If you’ve ever been a DM, you’ll know that players disagree with you from time to time — and that’s okay. It might be about how a rule is interpreted, a story decision, or a choice you’ve made for an NPC.

Just like in leadership, how you respond sets the tone.

A defensive DM can make players feel shut down. But a DM who listens, stays open, and keeps the focus on shared fun can turn disagreement into collaboration.

Here are a few ways to keep things healthy when conflict arises at the table:

  • Remember the goal: shared fun. The rules and the story are tools to help everyone have fun — not weapons to win arguments.
  • Listen before ruling. Let players make their case. Sometimes they’re right, or at least have a fair point you hadn’t considered.
  • Make a call, but explain it. The DM’s decision is final in the moment, but explaining your reasoning builds trust.
  • Revisit later if needed. If something still feels unresolved, talk about it after the session when emotions have cooled.

I’m very collaborative as a DM and if someone questions a ruling we discuss it openly at the table. If it’s going to slow down gameplay, I sometimes make a ruling at the time with the proviso that we look up what we need to after the session and make a decision then.

Common Ground: Leadership and DMing

The parallels between leadership and being a DM are striking when it comes to handling disagreement. Both roles put you in a position of authority, but both work best when that authority is rooted in trust, not control.

In both spaces:

  • Disagreement shows engagement — people care enough to speak up.
  • Listening builds credibility far more than arguing.
  • Transparency about your reasoning helps others understand and respect your decisions.
  • Humility — admitting when you got it wrong — earns lasting respect.

Disagreement handled well doesn’t weaken your authority. It strengthens it. It shows confidence, empathy, and maturity.

The Takeaway

Whether you’re leading a project team or running a D&D campaign, disagreement is part of the journey. It can be uncomfortable, sure — but it’s also where growth happens.

As a leader, your job isn’t to eliminate conflict, but to model how to handle it well. As a DM, your goal isn’t to control every outcome, but to guide the story collaboratively.

In both cases, the secret is simple: listen deeply, decide clearly, and care genuinely. When people see that you value their input — even when you disagree — they’re far more likely to trust your leadership and follow your lead into the next big adventure.

Because whether it’s in the boardroom or at the gaming table, leadership isn’t about always being right. It’s about creating the kind of space where everyone feels they belong, even when they don’t all agree.

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What Secrets D&D Can Teach Us About Servant Leadership

Leaders Eat Last by Simon Sinek book cover

Simon Sinek’s Leaders Eat Last is one of those rare leadership books that sticks with you long after you’ve finished reading it. Its central message is simple but powerful: great leaders put their people first. They create environments of trust and safety, where individuals feel valued and supported. In doing so, they unlock a team’s potential to achieve incredible things — not through fear or pressure, but through loyalty, belonging, and shared purpose.

As I was reading it, I couldn’t help but think how relevant those same ideas are to running a game of Dungeons & Dragons. Because at its heart, being a good Dungeon Master (DM) isn’t about control or clever storytelling. It’s about creating a space where players feel safe, engaged, and inspired — the exact same principles that Sinek says define great leadership.

The Circle of Safety

One of the most memorable ideas from Leaders Eat Last is the “Circle of Safety.” Sinek explains that in strong organisations, leaders create an environment where their people feel protected from external threats — a workplace where they can focus on doing their best work rather than looking over their shoulder.

For a DM, that’s the game table. The “Circle of Safety” in D&D is the world you build and the tone you set. It’s the trust your players have that you’re not out to “win” the game, but to tell a story with them.

When players know they can take risks, roleplay boldly, or make bad decisions in character without being punished for it, they flourish. They start to create moments that surprise you, and the game world becomes richer as a result. Just like a great leader, a great DM doesn’t eliminate risk — they make it safe to fail.

Putting Players First

Sinek’s title comes from an old military tradition: leaders eat last, ensuring their people are fed before they are. It’s a symbolic act of service — a reminder that leadership is about responsibility, not privilege.

The same mindset can make a DM truly exceptional. Running a D&D session takes effort — prepping adventures, tracking NPCs, remembering rules — but the role’s real heart is service. You’re there to give your players an amazing experience.

That might mean letting go of your clever plot twist when the players come up with a better idea. It might mean adjusting encounters on the fly to keep the story balanced. It might even mean stepping back entirely and letting the group spend an hour talking in character because they’re genuinely enjoying themselves.

A great DM, like a great leader, measures success not by how perfectly their plan goes, but by how much their people grow and enjoy themselves.

Building Trust and Belonging

Sinek argues that humans are hardwired for cooperation, but that cooperation only happens when people feel safe and valued. Leaders build trust through empathy, consistency, and integrity.

In D&D, trust is everything. Players need to know the DM is fair, that their characters’ actions matter, and that the story responds honestly to their choices. A DM who favours certain players, ignores others, or uses their power to “win” the game quickly erodes that trust.

But when you build a table where everyone’s voice matters — where every player feels part of something — the magic happens. People open up. They collaborate. They invest emotionally in the story and in each other. That’s not just a good game; that’s good leadership in action.

The Power of Purpose

At the core of Leaders Eat Last is the idea that great teams share a sense of purpose. When people understand why they do what they do, they’ll work harder, care more, and stick together even when things get tough.

That’s true for adventuring parties too. The best D&D campaigns aren’t just a string of random quests — they’re driven by shared purpose. Whether it’s protecting a village, saving a friend, or uncovering a forgotten truth, a unifying goal binds the group together.

A wise DM helps the party find that purpose. You don’t hand it to them — you help them discover it, nurture it, and make it matter. When you do, you create something more powerful than a game. You create a shared story of belonging and achievement.

Leading from Behind the Screen

Ultimately, Leaders Eat Last reminds us that leadership is about service, trust, and shared purpose. The best leaders — and the best DMs — don’t crave the spotlight. They shine it on others.

When you run a D&D session, you’re leading from behind the screen. You’re giving people a space to take risks, to collaborate, to be creative, and to feel a sense of belonging. You’re eating last — making sure everyone else at the table is fed first, in the form of fun, connection, and storytelling.

And if you do it right, the impact lasts long after the session ends. Players carry that experience — that feeling of being supported, seen, and part of something bigger — into their everyday lives. Just like the best leadership, it ripples outward.

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Powerful Reflection: a Lesson for D&D and Leadership

Dwarf sitting on a rock practicing reflection into a notebook

When the dice are packed away and the session is over, the story doesn’t stop. For many Dungeons & Dragons groups, they gain more depth to the experience after the game—when the group practices reflection on what just happened.

“Can you believe we actually pulled that off?”
“Next time we really need to think twice before splitting the party.” (how many times have we heard that one…)
“That negotiation worked because you spoke up at just the right time.”

These post-game reflections aren’t just fun—they’re powerful. They help players process what happened, celebrate victories, and learn from mistakes. And if that sounds familiar, it’s because leaders benefit from the exact same practice: regular self-reflection.

Reflection in D&D

In roleplaying games, reflection helps players and Dungeon Masters alike:

  • Consolidate learning: What worked well in combat or problem-solving? How well are the characters working together?
  • Spot improvement areas: Did communication break down? Did someone feel unheard?
  • Celebrate the journey: Acknowledging character growth or a clever solution reinforces the group’s bond. Giving players a shout out for the cool things they’ve done.
  • Sharpen future play: Reflection makes the next session smoother and more fun.

Without this pause, the game can feel rushed or fragmented. With it, the story feels richer, and ultimately the teamwork stronger.

Reflection in Leadership

If you’ve been reading this blog for a while you’ll already recognize that the same principle applies in the workplace. Leaders who make time for regular reflection gain:

  • Clarity: Understanding not just what happened in a meeting or project, but why.
  • Awareness: Recognizing your own blind spots or how your actions affect others.
  • Growth: Identifying patterns of behavior—both strengths and weaknesses—that shape your leadership.
  • Resilience: Reflection provides perspective, turning setbacks into lessons rather than failures.

As with D&D, the habit of looking back makes the next challenge easier to face. It also gives you clarity around what you should be focusing on next.

Why Reflection Matters

Jennifer Ouellette, in her book Me, Myself, and Why, notes how our memory encodes imagined experiences as though they were real. That means when you reflect on your character’s tough choices in D&D, your brain is practicing the same skills you’ll need as a leader. You’re rehearsing decision-making, empathy, and problem-solving in a safe, playful environment.

Then, when you reflect on your real-world leadership, you reinforce those same muscles.

Building Reflection into Your Routine

Here are a few ways to bring structured reflection into both D&D and leadership:

  • Ask good questions: After a session or a meeting, try “What went well? What could we do differently next time?”
  • Make it a habit: Don’t wait for a crisis—reflect regularly to keep learning consistent. This is really critical in making reflection work properly.
  • Celebrate wins: Reflection isn’t just about improvement. Recognizing achievements builds morale and confidence.
  • Invite feedback: In both games and work, others see things you can’t.

My friend Rich takes 10 minutes after every D&D session to reflect on what went well and what needs improvement. He also takes this time to ruminate on what happened in the session and what this means for the wider campaign world and the next session.

For me, I tend to do wait for a few days before sitting with my notebook and reflecting on the session. In my role as a leader in the real world I schedule quiet time every week to grab a coffee away from the office and reflect on how we are going as a business and what we need to be working on next. I also use this time to consider my effectiveness as a leader.

The Takeaway

Dungeons & Dragons shows us how valuable it is to pause, look back, and learn. Leaders who practice the same habit in their daily lives grow stronger, more self-aware, and more effective.

So whether you’re finishing a dungeon crawl or a work project, take a moment to reflect. The lessons you uncover will guide you to even greater adventures.

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Leaving a Legacy — as a Leader and as a Dungeon Master

When people talk about leaving a legacy, it often sounds grand — the kind of word reserved for visionary founders, political figures, or historical heroes. But in truth, legacy doesn’t have to be about something monumental or world-changing. It can be quieter, more personal, and built moment by moment through the people we influence and the culture we create.

As a leader, I think about legacy not as an accolade or a plaque on the wall, but as a living thing. It’s the ripple effect that continues long after you’ve stepped away. It’s the culture you build, the behaviours you reward, and the sense of belonging that people carry with them long after they’ve left your business.

A Leadership Legacy Built on Culture

For me, legacy begins with culture. I want to build a workplace where people genuinely enjoy what they do and who they work with. Where collaboration and kindness aren’t seen as soft skills, but as strengths that drive performance. Where people are trusted, supported, and encouraged to grow — not just into better employees, but into better leaders themselves.

If you can build that kind of culture — one that values connection, creativity, and care — it doesn’t stay contained within your walls. Over time, the people who thrive in it take those values with them. They share them in new teams, new organisations, and new industries. That’s how a leadership legacy grows: not through policies or slogans, but through people.

When I think about my own leadership legacy, I want it to be something that continues to live in others. I want to know that years down the line, someone who worked with my business or team is leading a team of their own — and that the positive culture we built together influenced how they lead. That’s how real change happens — not in a single moment, but through a chain of shared values that spreads quietly and steadily.

The DM’s Legacy: Building Worlds, Friendships, and Escape

Strangely enough, that idea of leaving a legacy — of creating something that lives on through people — feels very familiar to me. Because I’ve seen it before, at the Dungeons & Dragons table.

When you’re a Dungeon Master, you put a lot of energy into building worlds, crafting encounters, and bringing characters to life. You think your legacy might be the epic storyline you’ve designed or the clever twist you’ve hidden behind a screen. But in the end, that’s not what people remember.

What lasts are the friendships that form around the table. The laughter that comes from an unexpected dice roll. The moments when everyone forgets their phones and the outside world because they’re fully immersed in the story you’re telling together. That’s your true legacy as a DM — creating a shared experience that gives people a break from everyday life and connects them in a meaningful way.

I’ve seen players who started in my games go on to run their own campaigns, taking inspiration from the way we told stories or the sense of inclusion they felt at the table. Just like in leadership, the culture you create as a DM doesn’t stop when the session ends. It spreads — through new games, new friendships, and new worlds imagined by others.

Building a Lasting Legacy

When I think about leaving a legacy now — whether as a leader or a DM — I think of it less as an outcome and more as a community. It’s about creating something that feels safe, inspiring, and empowering, and then letting others carry it forward in their own way.

In leadership, that might mean building a team that lives your values long after you’ve moved on. In D&D, it might mean a circle of friends who still share stories and inside jokes years after the campaign ended.

Ultimately, both are about people and the stories we build together. The kind of legacy that matters most isn’t written down — it’s remembered, retold, and relived.

So whether it’s through the people I lead or the players I guide, my hope is the same: that something about the experience stays with them. That they take what we’ve built — the culture, the connection, the sense of possibility — and carry it into whatever comes next.

Because that’s what leaving a legacy is all about. Not the mark you leave on the world, but the spark you leave in others.

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Build Your Practical Coaching Skills With D&D

Orc coach giving practical coaching tips

A couple of weeks ago we looked at how D&D can give insight into leadership coaching. Coaching is about unlocking the potential of others—helping them find their own solutions, build confidence, and grow. And a session of D&D gives you dozens of opportunities to practice exactly that. In this article I look at some ways to gain practical coaching skills through playing D&D with your mates.

Here’s a few tips to help your practical coaching skills.

Active Listening: Pay Attention to the Details

At the table: In D&D, missing a detail in the Dungeon Master’s description can mean walking into a trap. Players learn to listen carefully, not just to what is said, but how it’s said.

In leadership: Listening with intent is the foundation of good coaching. Instead of planning your response while someone speaks, focus fully on their words, tone, and body language. Then reflect back what you heard:

  • “It sounds like you’re feeling stretched thin—what part of the project is weighing most heavily?”

Ask Questions, Don’t Give Orders

At the table: When a player is unsure what to do, the best response isn’t “You should cast Fireball.” It’s asking questions like, “What’s your wizard best at in this situation?” That prompts them to think, decide, and take ownership.

In leadership: Instead of solving problems for your team, use open-ended questions to help them discover solutions:

  • “What options have you considered?”
  • “What outcome would you like to see?”
  • “What support do you need from me to make that happen?”

This shifts you from problem-solver to coach.

Encourage Quieter Voices

At the table: Every party has a quiet player who might get overshadowed by louder personalities. A skilled Dungeon Master or fellow player creates space by inviting them in: “Hey, what’s your rogue’s take on this plan?”

In leadership: Teams are the same. Coaching means ensuring every voice is heard. You might ask:

  • “I’d like to hear your perspective before we decide—what do you think?”

This inclusion builds confidence and uncovers fresh ideas.

Celebrate Creativity and Experimentation

At the table: Sometimes the “right” solution isn’t obvious—so players experiment. They may try to distract the dragon with a song or use a spell in a clever, unintended way. Great D&D groups celebrate the attempt, win or lose.

In leadership: Coaching encourages experimentation without fear of failure. Acknowledge effort and creativity, even when results aren’t perfect:

  • “That was a smart angle—you tested something new, and we learned from it.”

This builds psychological safety and fosters innovation.

Turn Setbacks into Learning

At the table: Characters fail rolls. Plans go sideways. But those moments often lead to the best stories. Players learn to laugh, adapt, and move forward.

In leadership: Coaching reframes mistakes as opportunities:

  • “What worked here, and what would you try differently next time?”

This approach develops resilience and problem-solving skills in your team.

Final Thoughts on Practical Coaching

When you play D&D, you practice listening, questioning, encouraging, celebrating, and reframing setbacks. All of these are core practical coaching skills. Bring them into your workplace and you stop being the one with all the answers—you become the leader who helps others shine.

So, next time you sit down for a session, remember: you’re not just slaying dragons—you’re sharpening your skills as a coach.