There are games that arrive with binders of lore, intricate rules, and the expectation that you will prepare. Then there is Nice Marines by Grant Howitt, a free one-page RPG that asks the simple question: what if genetically engineered space marines tried to solve problems with diplomacy?
I first came across this game on my favourite actual play podcast Dungeons and Daddies. Definitely worth a listen.
Everyone plays a kick ass, no nonsense murder machine in service to the Emperor of Mankind. Anyone who has walked past a Warhammer store knows the drill. Buzz cut, massive power armour and a very clear view on what action to take against heretics and aliens. Kill them all.
In this game the twist is that the war on this world is over and this team of murder hobos has been left to get the planet ready for the new imperial government that arrives in a weeks time. So no shooting your way out of problems. Diplomacy and tact are needed by these super soldiers who usually do their talking from the barrel of a gun.
Given it was one page of rules and I’d already planned and run Shoot out at Virellion Estate that day I decided to hot the table with zero prep. No maps, stat blocks or carefully balanced encounters. Just a table, some dice, and the kind of players who are keen to lean into whatever crazy concept hits the table.
The day of gaming had been so busy that I hadn’t had a chance to worry about this lack of prep until dinner, when it suddenly dawned on me that I’d be running it…. Here’s how it went.
The Setup: Bureaucrats vs Zealots
To say I didn’t do any prep is a slight over exaggeration. Straight after dinner I sat down with the one page of rules and rolled up the two factions who needed their dispute solved.
- The Capuleys: bureaucratic administrators, drowning in parchment and procedure
- The Motags: religious zealots of the Imperial Church, fueled by doctrine and divine certainty
Both had the same goal: Control the Governor’s Palace, and build a statue honouring the war hero fallen Brother-Captain Valek. No deeper intrigue. No hidden twist. Just two unstoppable forces politely trying to outmaneuver each other.
Besides writing a name and two word description for the leader of each faction, that was the extent of my prep.
Making It Work (Because the Rules only give you so Much)
Being literally one page Nice Marines is extremely light on guidance for the games master. So I bolted on a simple structure:
- Each round = one day
- Each marine gets one action per day
- At the end of each day, everyone meets back at base to discuss their next plan
- The bosses return on Day 5, so everything had to be “resolved” by then
This gave the game a rhythm and clear direction to the players around how to achieve their goals. As we had eight players, it was going to be difficult to keep them all engaged. Having a structure like this meant that no-one hogged the spotlight and there was a clear area for actions and discussion stopping the analysis paralysis that sometimes plagues players.
The Dice: Agents of Glorious Ruin
The core mechanic of this game is beautifully chaotic:
- Roll low → something bad happens
- Roll too high → something catastrophic happens
Outright success is an unusual thing to achieve. Only different flavours of disaster.
Highlights from the Descent into Madness
I’m lucky in that my players are always up for some silliness. And that is what we got. Here ae some of the highlights from the session.
- The planet’s communications system was accidentally destroyed during what was meant to be a simple data gathering excercise.
- The meat farming industry suffered a similar fate, which raised some uncomfortable logistical questions about feeding the population.
- A political marriage was arranged between the rival families to secure unity…
- …which led to the murder of the now inconvenient spouses.
Yes. That escalated quickly. The tone briefly dipped into something surprisingly dark before bouncing back into absurdity. - A grand parade featuring jetpacks turned into a skyborne chain reaction of explosions, debris, and heroic overcompensation.
Despite causing irreparable damage to the planet our bred-for-war heroes managed to solve the dispute and prepare the planet for Imperial rule.
The Emperor Mechanic (House Rule Madness)
We added one rule that, frankly, stole the show. Whenever anyone praised the Emperor, everyone at the table had to immediately praise the Emperor and make the sign of the Aquila.
Last person to do it? They get a black mark.
At the end of the game, whoever had the most black marks would likely be… dealt with… by the Inquisition. This did two things:
- Kept everyone constantly on edge
- Turned casual dialogue into a reflex-testing panic sport
You haven’t lived until you’ve seen a table of grown adults snap into synchronized religious fervour because someone muttered “for the Emperor” under their breath.
An Unexpected Story
What surprised me most wasn’t the explosions or the chaos. It was the story that emerged. No one sat down intending to tell a tale about a forced political marriage spiralling into dark comedy. No one planned the uneasy alliance, the performative unity, or the quiet unraveling beneath it. But it happened anyway.
It seems that when you strip a game down to almost nothing, what fills the space is player ingenuity. And in this instance, morally questionable wedding planning.
Final Thoughts on Nice Marines
Nice Marines was amazing fun to run and from what I gather to play. However, it does rely on the following, which may not be every groups cup of tea.
- Improvisation
- Player creativity
- A willingness to let things go completely off the rails
If you need structure or definitive rules, it will frustrate you. However, if instead you enjoy improvisational craziness and your group has a spare couple of hours definitely give it a go.
Praise the Emperor. Quickly now.
