Dungeons & Dragons and Communication: Surprising Parallels with CMM

I’ve been invited to run some short D&D style sessions for the CMM conference in Birmingham (UK) next year. While chatting to Abbie VanMeter on the Stories Lived Stories Told podcast it became apparent that playing and running D&D ties in very closely to CMM. So for this article I want to look at the CMM communication theory and see how it relates to playing tabletop roleplaying games.

What is CMM

Before chatting to Abbey I had never heard of CMM before. So after a few pointers from Abbie, I’ve started trying to understand what CMM is all about. Coordinated Management of Meaning (CMM) was developed by communication scholars W. Barnett Pearce and Vernon Cronen back in the 1970s. CMM suggests that people don’t simply exchange information through conversation. Instead, they actively create and manage shared meaning together. Communication is less about transmitting facts and more about building a common understanding of the world through interaction.

That sounds very similar to the way we communicate when playing Dungeons & Dragons.

Please keep in mind that while I have my 10,000 hours playing D&D, I am very much a layman when it comes to the CMM paradigm. As such, I encourage you to do your own research into this fascinating topic.

Building a Shared Reality

Every game of D&D begins with a simple premise: a group of people agree to imagine the same world. Which of course can be a problem. As the Dungeon Master describes a tavern one player imagines a bustling medieval inn. Another pictures a smoky pirate den. A third envisions something inspired by their favourite fantasy novel. None of these interpretations are exactly the same. Yet through conversation, questions, and storytelling, the group gradually coordinates their understanding of the setting.

According to CMM, communication creates social realities. We don’t just talk about the world, we help construct it together. A D&D adventure is perhaps the most literal example of this process. The game world only exists because the all the players at the table continuously create it through their actions, questions and collaboration.

Some examples of CMM in interpersonal communication (from Examples.com)

More Than Just Words

CMM argues that meaning exists at multiple levels. A statement gains significance not only from the words themselves but also from the relationship between speakers, the context of the conversation, and the broader culture surrounding it.

This is of course true when playing D&D. Consider a player saying:

“I draw my sword.”

The meaning depends entirely on context. In one scene, it’s a heroic act of defence. In another, it’s a reckless escalation that could start a brawl or even a war. Around some tables it might even be a running in-joke.

The same action carries different meanings because players interpret it through the context of the story, their relationships with one another, and the norms of the campaign. The best players instinctively understand this. They don’t simply think about what their character is doing. They think about what that action means to the group and the story. context is everything.

Coordination Is More Important Than Agreement

One of the most counterintuitive ideas in CMM is that successful communication doesn’t require people to completely agree. Instead, they need to coordinate their actions in a way that creates a shared pattern of understanding. Odd, but what does this look like in D&D.

The lawful do-good paladin may disagree with the chaotic out for herself rogue. The idealistic god fearing cleric may clash with the more cynical warlock. Yet the party still functions because the players coordinate their actions toward a common goal.

In fact, some of the most memorable moments in campaigns emerge from disagreement. In my friends Duskfall campaign, I played an “Old One” Worshipping Warlock who seemed at odds with the rest of the party. At the beginning I was a little worried that the character might cause a rift in the party. If he did I was fine to retire him. However, I needn’t have worried. Despite seemingly being at odds with the other characters, they all found common ground. In fact the Old One cult grew in stature becoming a force in the city and a convenient way to dispose of inconvenient bodies… As players we still joke about the cult of Ygeggos and it has even crossed campaigns and made appearances in other adventures.

The key is that players understand the difference between character conflict and player conflict. They coordinate the story even while their characters argue within it.

This is a valuable lesson for leadership and teamwork. Effective teams do not eliminate differences. Instead they learn how to work productively with them.

Stories Create Meaning

One of the things I really like about CMM is that it places significant importance on the stories people tell to make sense of their experiences. These stories help create coherence and allow individuals to understand who they are and how they fit into the world.

Of course, D&D is built entirely on emergent stories. Characters develop identities through their adventures. Parties create shared histories. Campaigns generate legends that players remember for years. Ask any long-term D&D player about their favourite campaign and they’ll never describe game mechanics.

Instead they tell stories. They tell you about the halfling midwife who died fighting an ancient green dragon. The orc shaman who freed a Kraken from a Glacier or even the party who used their gold to build a theatre to put on plays about their adventures. Who could forget the hanging tree, where the well meaning fighter released the demons on the world. All these really happened in my campaigns.

These stories help players make sense of the experience and become part of the group’s collective identity.

The Mystery Beyond the Rules

An aspect of CMM that particularly resonates with roleplaying games is the concept of “mystery”. No matter how much we communicate or coordinate, there is always something beyond our understanding. No story is ever completely predictable or fully explained.

Any Dungeon Master knows this feeling. You spend hours preparing encounters, maps, villains, and plot twists. Then the players decide to befriend the monster, ignore the plot hook, and start a trading company. Consequently, the campaign becomes something nobody anticipated. Of course, far from being a problem, this uncertainty is often where the magic happens.

The most memorable moments in D&D are rarely the ones anyone planned. They emerge from the unpredictable interactions between players, characters, dice, and imagination.

D&D: both fun and great for improving your communication skills

CMM Lessons for Leaders

Looking at D&D through this lens it seems obvious that D&D is an excellent tool for developing communication skills. Particularly as it forces participants to practice the very things CMM describes.

When running or playing these games players must:

  • Create shared understanding.
  • Interpret meaning in different contexts.
  • Coordinate actions despite differing perspectives.
  • Build relationships through conversation.
  • Develop stories that create group identity.
  • Adapt to uncertainty and ambiguity.

Of course, these are not just gaming skills. They are leadership skills.

Every workplace team is engaged in its own process of coordinated meaning-making. People all bring different experiences, assumptions, values, and perspectives. Success very much depends on a leaders ability to create a shared understanding of goals, challenges, and opportunities.

Luckily for us the D&D table simply makes that process visible. Behind every adventure, regardless of how fantastical, is a group of people engaged in the ongoing task of creating meaning together. And that may be one of the most valuable things the game teaches.

The very act of playing D&D is actually more than having fun with friends. It enhances the way we communicate. We’re practicing Coordinated Management of Meaning without even realising it. Which in turn makes us better at navigating web of relationships and communication that is the workplace, ultimately making us better leaders.

Now that I’ve scratched the surface of CMM, I cant wait to dig deeper and learn more.

Murder, Matrimony and a Most Scandalous Evening

What happens when five Regency-era sisters discover their father has been murdered a few hours before hosting the social event of the season? Well, recently I had the opportunity to find out when I ran a two-hour one-shot of Virtues & Scandals called Featherington Manor.

Dear readers, the premise was delightfully simple. The players took on the roles of the Featherington Sisters, daughters of the fabulously wealthy Baron Featherington. Each sister had her own personality, ambitions and secret desires, while also navigating the rigid expectations of Regency society. Reputation was everything and scandal could destroy the entire family.

Our cast of sisters could not have been more different.

Bally Featherington was the eldest sister and self-appointed Queen of the Ball. Fanny was the dutiful daughter, determined to uphold the family’s reputation. Lucy Featherington possessed an almost alarming fascination with soldiers and military men. Milly was a hopeless romantic dreamer searching for true love. While Lizzy was a horse-mad adventurer who seemed entirely unsuited to the restrictions of polite society.

Together, they inherited a problem. Several problems, in fact.

Act One: The Dead Baron

The session opened with the sisters discovering their father dead in his study.

Unknown to the characters, the Baron had been poisoned by their scheming cousin Roger Askill. This thoroughly unpleasant opportunist stood to inherit everything if the sisters failed to secure a marriage. (This premise was lifted directly from the wonderful regency era podcast Bitcherton. Highly recommended for inspiration).

As the sisters searched the study, matters became even worse. Not only was their father dead, but his papers revealed that the family was effectively bankrupt. If one of the sisters did not secure an engagement before the evening was over, Featherington Manor would be lost.

Naturally, this was the exact moment when visitors began arriving at the front door. Rather than mourning their father, the sisters immediately began a frantic operation to hide the body. All the while maintaining the appearance that everything was perfectly normal. The dead Baron was eventually rolled in a rug before relocating to the coal cellar, which seemed entirely reasonable at the time.

Players scrambled to distract visitors, conceal evidence and fend off the ever-present Roger Askill. Every conversation became an exercise in maintaining propriety while desperately trying not to reveal that the head of the household was currently hidden amongst the coal.

As a bonus complication, an amorous gardener also entered the picture. Creating further opportunities for confusion, awkwardness and increasingly questionable explanations. By the end of the first act, the sisters had somehow managed to keep both the murder and the bankruptcy secret.

For now.

The Baron is dead, oh woe is me.

Act Two: The Featherington Ball

With disaster temporarily postponed, attention turned to the annual Featherington Ball.

One of my favourite tools as a Game Master is asking players to help build the setting through “paint the picture” questions. Rather than me describing every detail, the players collectively created the atmosphere of the evening. I had a series of questions ready to go and as such the grand ball took on a life of its own.

The ballroom quickly came alive with glittering decorations, whispered gossip, fashionable guests and subtle signs that the family’s wealth might not be quite as secure as everyone believed. The ball itself became a whirlwind of dancing, flirtation and social manoeuvring.

A collection of eligible bachelors attended, each carrying secrets of their own. There was the dashing Captain Percival Cavendish, the scholarly Julian Fairfax, the wildly unsuitable Lord Jasper Redmond and the sombre Mr Charles Wetherby. Meanwhile Roger Askill continued lurking in the background, hoping the sisters would fail and leave him free to claim the estate.

As conversations unfolded, alliances formed and ambitions collided. There was matchmaking, misunderstandings and a surprising amount of unsuccessful flirting.

And then there was the Can Can.

The Can Can, too scandalous!

A Dance Too Far

At some point during the evening, the Featherington sisters managed to convince the attendees to participate in the scandalous new dance sweeping society: the Can Can.

The image of respectable Regency nobles enthusiastically joining a dance that would have sent society’s chaperones into fits of horror perfectly captured the spirit of the session. The game had begun with strict expectations of decorum and social propriety, yet slowly descended into delightful chaos as players embraced increasingly bold solutions to their problems.

By this stage, secrets were being uncovered, schemes were being hatched and romantic opportunities were being pursued with varying degrees of success.

A Happy Ending… More or Less

Despite the murder, the bankruptcy, the hidden corpse, the scheming cousin and the numerous social disasters waiting to happen, the sisters ultimately achieved the one thing they desperately needed.

A proposal of marriage.

With an engagement secured by Fanny and the wealthy merchant Fairfax, the family estate was saved from falling into Askill’s hands and the Featherington name survived another day.

Why It Worked

What made Featherington Manor such an enjoyable session was how quickly the players embraced the premise. The combination of Regency etiquette, hidden agendas, personal ambitions and absurd circumstances created fertile ground for roleplaying.

Unlike many games where problems are solved with swords or spells, every challenge here revolved around conversation, reputation and relationships. Players had to think like ambitious socialites rather than adventurers, balancing personal goals against the needs of the family.

The result was a session filled with laughter, memorable character moments and exactly the kind of emergent storytelling that tabletop roleplaying games do best.

For two hours, five players became the Featherington Sisters, desperately trying to preserve their family’s future while hiding a murdered father in the coal cellar. While I, as the GM, desperately tried to keep up as the various suitors, stable boys and servants.

One of players commented that there was no fighting, it was a very different session to normal. Which is exactly why I love running one-page rpgs.

For those interested in running a similar session, go and buy Virtues and Scandals! I’ve also included my session notes to download for free here.

How to Recruit Players for Your D&D Group

At work right now, I’m involved in a recruitment campaign. I review CVs, help shortlist candidates, and sit in on interviews as we look for the right people to join our team. Of course, technical skills matter. We need people who can do the job. But experience and qualifications are only part of what makes someone successful in a role.

What we are really looking for is cultural fit.

  • Are they passionate about botany or zoology?
  • Are they proactive?
  • Do they volunteer for opportunities?
  • Will they take initiative and get things done without constant direction?
  • Will they work well with the rest of the team?

These are the things that often determine whether someone will truly succeed and enjoy their role long term. The more I have been involved in recruitment at work, the more I have realised that recruiting players for a Dungeons & Dragons group might well be very similar.

Your D&D Group Needs the Right Culture

When people look for new D&D players, they often focus heavily on experience and rules knowledge.

  • Do they know how to play?
  • Have they played before?
  • Do they understand the system?
  • Can they build a character correctly?

Those things can certainly help, but they are not necessarily the most important qualities in a long-term group. The bigger question is whether they fit the culture of the table.

  • Will they get along with the other players?
  • Do they enjoy the same style of game?
  • Are they interested in roleplaying, tactical combat, storytelling, or character development in the same way as the rest of the group?
  • Will they contribute positively to the table dynamic?

A player can learn rules over time. It is much harder to change attitude, engagement, or play style.

Recruit for Long-Term Fit

At work, my goal is not simply to hire someone to fill a position for a few months. Ideally, I want someone who will stay with the company, grow into the role, contribute to the team, and find genuine fulfilment in what they do.

The same applies to a D&D group.

When recruiting a new player, you are not just trying to fill an empty chair at the table. You are looking for someone who will become part of the group long term. Someone who contributes to the stories, the friendships, and the overall experience of the campaign.

Thinking back to my most successful campaigns, it’s group dynamic that really made them tick. So it is absolutely worth taking the time to protect it.

Referrals Can Make a Huge Difference

One thing that often helps in recruitment is referrals from trusted staff members. Recommendations can provide confidence that someone will fit the culture and work well with the team.

Of course the same is true with your D&D group.

Some of the best additions to a gaming group come through existing members. Current players already understand the group dynamic and often know who is likely to fit well with the table’s style and expectations. While referrals are not a guarantee, they can often help avoid many of the issues that come from bringing in completely unknown players.

Where to find new adventurers.

Where to Find New Players

If you cant get any referrals or are starting completely from scratch don’t despair, there are more ways than ever to connect with potential players, both online and in person.

Facebook Groups

Local Facebook groups are still one of the easiest ways to find players. Most cities have tabletop gaming or D&D community groups where people regularly post looking for campaigns.

The advantage of Facebook is that you can often get a sense of someone before inviting them to your table. You can see how they communicate, what sort of games they enjoy, and how they interact with others in the community.

When posting, it also helps to be clear about the type of game you run. Mention things like:

  • Tone of the campaign
  • Frequency of sessions
  • Experience level required
  • Whether the game is roleplay-heavy or combat-focused
  • Expectations around commitment and attendance

Being upfront helps attract players who are genuinely suited to your group.

Reddit and Online Communities

Reddit can also be a useful recruitment tool. Subreddits dedicated to D&D, tabletop RPGs, or local gaming communities often have players actively searching for groups. Online platforms like Discord communities and RPG forums can serve a similar purpose.

The key is not to recruit the first available person immediately. Treat the process carefully. Have conversations first, ask about play style, and make sure expectations line up on both sides.

Local Game Stores

Even in this digital world we live in local game stores are still one of the best places to meet tabletop players. Many stores have noticeboards where you can post flyers or group advertisements. Even a simple poster with your contact details and a short description of the campaign can attract interested players.

Game stores also allow you to meet people face to face before committing to a long campaign. You can often get a much better sense of personality and enthusiasm through casual conversation than through online messages alone.

A DnD interview…

Public Gaming Groups

Another excellent option is attending public gaming groups and community events.

Groups that run open or public games are often full of people actively looking for regular campaigns. They also give you the opportunity to actually play with potential recruits before inviting them into your long-term group.

In Western Australia, groups such as DnD Fremantle provide a great way for players and Game Masters to meet others in the local community. Public games can act almost like a trial run, helping everyone work out whether the personalities and play styles fit together naturally.

This approach can often lead to much stronger long-term groups because everyone has already experienced what playing together is actually like.

Take Your Time

Whether it is in the workplace or around a gaming table, finding the right people matters. Rules can be taught. Systems can be learned. Experience can grow over time. But building a strong group culture takes care and patience.

If you want a D&D campaign that lasts for years, with players who genuinely enjoy playing together, it is worth taking your time and recruiting wisely.